Coming to the end of myself:part 2

Going in to this journey of "coming to the end of myself", I thought it was all about depending on God for all of my physical needs.  But today I am realizing another aspect of this journey, which is allowing God to hold my tender heart as I put the relationships that God has blessed me with, into His hands. With tears in my eyes I write this note. Through high school I kind of prided myself in being able to not let people get close, but shortly after high school  broken and lonely, not really knowing who I was, God showed His love in such a great way by bringing some amazing people in my life. The past four years I have always felt like someone has known me deeply, some have come and gone but I have never felt alone. But now I am about to say good bye and move 2,000 miles away for the people who God put in my life the years that mean sooooo much to me.  People who pushed me to place I never thought I would be able to go, people who listened and were patient with me when I didn't know what to say, people who encouraged me to move in some of giftings God has put in me. I have to say goodbye to the most beautiful baby girl that I have spent 15 hours a week with for the past 8 months. I will miss her learning to walk and talk. I have to say good bye to the best black lab ever.  I just never really thought all of this would be nearly this hard, but it is, and I know it's just going to get harder as I continue to get ready to leave. But I am giving God my tender heart, it's hurts, it's scary, but I know God is so good and I am excited to see who God brings into my life in this next step in my journey.   So all that to say, I value the people God has put in my life immensely and I am going to miss everyone more than you could imagine.  Thank you, everyone for allow God to use you to show His love in my life.

update on BSSM: coming to the end of myself

So here is a little up date on BSSM. Last week I was able to reach my half way mark of raising my tuition, which puts me at a place where I am able to start school, and will have the rest due after school starts. This really excites me, but at the same time I am very very nervous. School starts in less than 1 month and I am hoping to head out there a week or two early. Everything is coming so quickly, and there is still some big needs and things that still need to come together.
The first big need is a vehicle, I am blessed right now to have a car that has gotten me through this summer, but is in no shape to make it the 2,000 mile trip to Redding. This is a huge need, and honestly it seems quite impossible to me, but I know I have a big big God, and nothing is impossible for Him. : ) Please be praying for me on this one.
My second need is a job. I need a job that covers my living expences. I have been on the job hunt through the internet for the past month or so, and have a few leads.  Please pray that God brings the right job.
My third need is housing. I have contacted a few possibilities, but most have not worked out.  I am waiting to here back from one possible home but it might be full. Please pray that if this is the right place, that it would work out, and if it's not, that the Lord would show me something else.
One of the things I heard the Lord say to me in the past few months, was that this journey to BSSM would bring me to the end of myself, which is where He came begin. And honestly it is so so so SCARY!! I have these needs that are way beyond me, I am coming to a place where I have nothing else but Him. So I just ask that you would pray, and pray big time. This is such a scary place for me, there is peace in this place, but it is scary. Last night I was at a prayer meeting at River of Life, and as I was praying and just asking God what in the world He is doing, the band was playing Healing by Hillsong. The words they were playing at that very moment were "Nothing is impossible for You You hold my world in Your hands" which as you might imagine really stuck out to me. Nothing is impossible for Him, He holds MY world in His hands. I love that is says He holds MY world in His hands. Sometimes it's so hard to know that He indeed holds MY world. Anyway, those were just the words I need to hear, and I believe He was speaking to me. So please please be praying for me, and if God tugs at your heart to help me in anyway, please let me know. God bless you. 

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on ME, because the LORD has anointed ME to preach good news to the poor.

So I was listening to a certain ibethel.tv worship session today, that I have listened to many times before. It's the May 23rd one if you are interested, it's a very good one. Anyways Kris V opens with Isaiah 61, and for some reason it really stuck out to me today.

 ¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on ME,
       because the LORD has anointed ME
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent ME to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners,
  ² to proclaim the year of the LORD'S  favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn
 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.
This is a verse that I have heard many many times, and probably even memorized at some point, but today God is speaking to me through it, don't you love how the scripture are so alive like that?!?!?! WOW!! : ) When God gives me a job like this I am completely humbled, but incredibly energized by it. Like I said in a previous blog, I never really believed that I would ever do anything for God. But I read this and it is so straight forward! God has picked ME, He has anointed ME!!! He has sent ME... to preach good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, and the list goes on. All for what? To display His splendor. WOW. This is my purpose! and yours too!!! I emphasize the word "me" only because sometimes I need to realize that, yes, God is speaking to ME, but He is most definitely speaking to you too!!! This is your purpose too, whoever you might be, God created you to display His splendor. WOW!!! I think some times we read these chunks of scripture and not really realize God is giving of something to do, but lets go do it. Remember though, He has anointed you, and it is Him who is sending you, let's realize the power behind that, and go display His splendor!!

Lord thank you for speaking to me through this word. I am so so so humbled that you choose me to display your splendor. Wow.  Lord thank you for anointing me, and sending me, Lord I know that it is ONLY by your power that I can ever do anything. Lord give me the strength and wisdom and the boldness to do what you are calling me to do. Thank you Lord!!!!

New levels of purity = new levels itimacy

Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God

I have had this word in my heart the past few days, but last night it really came alive. I believe God is calling His children to new levels of purity, to a place where we will not stand for even a hint of sin. God promises in Matthew 5 that the pure in heart will see Him.  Just now as I am writing this I got a picture of Jesus standing in front of me, but there were boxes in the way, which are are sin. As I walk towards Him I am getting rid of the sin that is in front of me, to get to my Jesus. I don't know about you but I don't want ANYTHING between me and my Jesus. Just as in any relationship, the level of purity corresponds  directly with the level intimacy that is possible. As His bride we need to be committed to high levels of purity. I long to be as close to Him as I possibly can. God created us for relationship, so how much more does He long for us to get  rid of the junk that is in the way so He can be at an even greater level of intimacy with us. As I write this I know it's not easy but, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that His intimacy is worth it. 

Lord I thank you for this word, Lord I long for greater levels of intimacy with you. Please shine your light onto the sins and areas that need to get out of the way so I can get closer to you. Lord I thank you that it is even possible to know you, to know your heart, that you consider me a friend, to be able to have an intimate relationship with the God of the universe, Thank you lord.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Hey guys, I took this personality test a few weeks ago, I found it to be one of the closest description of my personality.  I wanted to post it on here because I feel it decribes me better than I could describe myself (plus it's kinda fun!!!). So here is a little inside view of who I am.

you can take the test at: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
you can get the decription of you personality type at: https://www.personalitypage.com/high-level.html

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Portrait of an ISFP - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving


(Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Sensing)

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The Artist

As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.

ISFPs have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty. They're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.

ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.

ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.

ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words.

ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.

The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.

The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Feeling

Auxilliary: Extraverted Sensing

Tertiary: Introverted Intuition

Inferior: Extraverted Thinking

I'll dance a dance for you

What is His worth? Earlier this week I was listening to KCFB, they were talking about His worth. Maybe you think about His worth when you are in church or reading your Bible, but lets go deep. Think about it God Himself came down to earth to die for you and me, but He didn't stay in that grave, He lives today!!! Nope, that's not all, He left this earth so the Holy Spirit could come be with us, so we can experience His presence everyday. So often we tithe, fast, and give of ourselves expecting something in return. Which no doubt He wants to give His children good gifts, but what if we were to give of ourselves expecting absolutly nothing in return. I think of the women in Luke 7, I want to live my life like her.  

Luke7:37-38 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

She came to a place of repentance, and weeped.  

She brought herself to a place of humility, and wiped her tears with her hair.

She saw His great worth and poured out her costly purfum on his feet.


I believe this is what God really longs for from us. He wants us to realize His worth and come to a place of intimacy.  He wants us to know Him and Him to know us.

Lord I long for this place of repentence, humility, and realizing your worth.  Worthy worthy worthy, Lord help these word become real to me.


Here is a song I have been listening to as I dig into this thought

1st line varsity God's team : )

So I started this blog about 10 months ago, just wanting a place to get somethings out, not telling anyone about it, and not expecting anyone to read it. After one post I pretty much forgot about it. Well today I was pondering the idea of starting a blog to include people on my journey, share what God is speaking to me, and share updates about the possibility of going to BSSM. So I remembered that I started this blog last year and smiled when I saw the title and my first post. Wow trying to bring Him into focus and my first post crying out to God wanting to show me who I am, and what He is doing in me. I have been blown away by how God has rocked my life the past 6 months. Last spring I didn't know who I was, or how in the world He could use me. The one event that changed everything was during a Tuesday night class, when my friend Jodi, spoke over me and said God was going to use me. My whole life up until that point I have always been a bench warmer, a JV player, never picked first. I never truly believed God could ever use me, but then everything shifted, God was calling me out. He was saying "JoAnna get out there, I want YOU to go score a goal, I want you to run this race. By my strength in you I know you can do it" 2 Cor 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." has been my verse, but I think I just hoped it would be true for me, but at this point I KNOW it is true. God has set my heart on fire for Him!!! It is such a real fire not started at a conference or camp, but in a realization of truth. God can use me, and HE HAS!!! Best of all He has used me in my weaknesses, which helps me keep my eyes off of me and on completely on Him.

So there was just a small bit of where I am now, I hope in some way you are blessed by this blog, and that maybe you can see a little bit more of who I am. Please forgive me, writing was never my strong point, and I have always struggled with spelling, so please bear with me.

God, I dedicate this blog to you. Let my words be yours, help me give people a glimpse of who I am and what you are doing in, and through me. amen.