A little less talk and a lot more action

I don't know how many times I have written out goals and planned out just how I was going to lose weight and become a healthier me. Honestly it's been countless times. I think it makes me feel good, though only for a few days.  For some reason, nothing ever comes of them, well other than feelings of failure and defeat. Three weeks ago today, something clicked. I decided to go for it. No, I didn't write out more goals or plans this time. I just went for it.  I did something. Actually got off my behind and worked out. I went to the grocery store and stocked my fridge and cupboards with good food. Now here I am, three weeks later, and 12 lb. lighter. I am actually doing this thing!!!! It's been so easy and so hard at the same time. I have felt so strong, and then so weak. I have felt so high, and then so very low.  I have felt in control, and then absolutely out of control. One minute I feel so motivated, and the next so defeated. I have had to face who I am, who I think I am, who I think others think I am, but most importantly who God says I am. I have wrestled quite a bit with so many things over these past weeks. Wrestled with things I have not wanted to face for many years. Things that need to faced.
There are two main things that really kind of clicked for me about a month ago. The first thing was a post from a pastor I fallow on Facebook.  She said something like "You need to take yourself seriously, because God takes you seriously". This statement really hit me. One thing I often struggle with is insignificance, and I am realizing just how much it is effecting so many aspects of my life. "My health and body really doesn't matter". "Making my days meaningful is not important".  "My passions don't really matter". "I have always been fat so why try". Grabbing the fact that God takes me seriously changes everything!!! God cares about my health and body. Living each day to the fullest helps me be who God created me to be. God put the passions in my heart for a reason. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I must take care of it. IF GOD TAKES ME SERIOUSLY, I MUST AS WELL.
The second thing that really helped me kick start this thing, was seeing other success stories online. Seeing other people just like me who have lost 100+ pounds. Up until now it feels like I have been up against a giant wall of impossibility, and up against it all alone. But after seeing stories of people who have does this, I KNOW it's possible. And somehow this time I believe I can do it. That is also one reason I am going to try to blog my journey.  At first I just wanted to do this thing and not tell anyone. This is a pretty personal subject for me, and letting the world in on it is not a little thing. I just kind of wanted to go for it, and not tell anyone. I really kind of don't want anyone to even notice when I do loose weight, I just want to be normal, and want it to be as if I was always normal, that I never even did struggle with this. No "oh, you've lost weight", oh, you look great". Nothing. But here I am putting some of my most personal stuff out on the internet for everyone to see. I do it in the hopes that along this journey that maybe, just maybe I could inspire someone else, like those random people on Youtube who shared their story and inspired me. That I could tell that one someone that, YES!! YOU too can do this. Weather it's weight loss or some other hard thing. Some seemingly impossible wall in front of you.
I am only in the begining of this journey, and don't claim to know much. I do feel like in the last 3 weeks I have really made a great start and have starting chipping at this wall that I once thought was impossible. I don't promise to blog on a super regular basis but I will do my best. So if you want and are interested, please join me on this journey.


PS: As kind of a fun motivation for me, I have decided to not cut my hair until I have lost 100 pounds (and for those who have not seen my in quite a while, right now my hair is the longest it has ever been). I just think it would be a fun thing to symbolically step into a new season of the life then. Also then when you see me with short hair you will know I have done it!!! :)